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From Street Fighter to the Resident Evil series to anything directed by Uwe Boll, films adapted from video game franchises have a notorious history of being terrible.  The reason is both simple and complex at the same time – obvious to any real gamer, and perhaps beyond the understanding of everyone else.

Actor Joey Ansah, who played the character Desh in The Bourne Ultimatum, known one of the best fight scenes in any film, has created a short film called Street Fighter Legacy. Regarding the project, he said:

It was clear to me, that given the way the movie industry worked, we would never see a super faithful, darker toned and more adult themed (or just plain good!) incarnation of Street Fighter unless a die-hard director or filmmaking team with game canon knowledge stepped up to the plate to helm such a project. [Emphasis added]

And this is really what it comes down to, not just for making a solid Street Fighter movie, but to adapt any video game property into a film.  I would even take it a step further.  Any serious writer or director can do their research – read up on the story and characters, and hopefully play the game.  But there is a certain spirit contained within video games that only devoted players can tap into, that undefinable something that changes casual players into fans – or dare I say it: “hardcore”.

Rather than spending numerous paragraphs trying to pinpoint a definition of this elusive video game element – which fans already understand and non-players will not, regardless of how well I explain it – I will give you a perfect example. (more…)

Valentine’s Day is a day that, like all good cynics, I take issue with for all the usual reasons:

1. Why should we only pay special attention to our significant others on a certain day?
2. The holiday is just part of a consumerist scheme to support the “industrial complex”

Blah blah blah.  Whatever.  It’s all true, of course, but I wasn’t going to post anything about it until I came across this promotional offer from XBox Live.  It offers some free Microsoft Points if only you’ll watch one of the offered movies with your loved one on Valentine’s Day.  Sounds like a good deal, except for the wording of the advertisement.

It annoyed me right away on a subliminal level, although it took me a bit of time to rationalize why exactly I took issue with it.  At first it was the dichotomy between those who have “someones” and those who do not.  I must either a sentimental sap who likes frilly pink hearts simply for having a girlfriend, or I’m some chest-pounding “manly-man” type who “don’t need no stinkin’ girlfriend! Guys rule!”  Is that it?

I couldn’t possibly be a guy who is between relationships, or a guy who for the sake of career, livelihood, or personal choice, just doesn’t have a significant other?  I couldn’t be a girl who is single for any of the same reasons?  Or a girl who doesn’t like frilly pink hearts?  I couldn’t be a gay man or woman in a relationship where such cave-painted gender roles aren’t so clearly established?  I couldn’t be a person of any gender and sexual orientation who appreciates a romance movie, even watched in solitude?  Maybe I’m some basement-dweller with the social skills of an empty pizza box and movies are my escape from harsh reality, in which case, thanks for reminding me of that. (more…)

A Response to Fade to White by Ishmael Reed

In a New York Times Op-Ed, Ishmael Reed discusses the movie Precious, and how it was offensive to the African-American audiences to whom he spoke, while being more widely accepted by white audiences.

He writes:

Among black men and women, there is widespread revulsion and anger over the Oscar-nominated film about an illiterate, obese black teenager who has two children by her father. The author Jill Nelson wrote: “I don’t eat at the table of self-hatred, inferiority or victimization. I haven’t bought into notions of rampant black pathology or embraced the overwrought, dishonest and black-people-hating pseudo-analysis too often passing as post-racial cold hard truths.” One black radio broadcaster said that he felt under psychological assault for two hours. So did I.¹

It seems to be Reed’s contention that the heart-wrenching portrayal of an African-American woman living in a terrible situation is palatable to white Americans because they already think very little of how African-Americans live.  On the other hand, African-Americans whose lives do not in any way resemble that of Precious should be offended for how that story misrepresents them.

And here is where Mr. Reed and – everyone else who feels this way – makes a critical mistake.  Like so many others, he treats the example of one individual who happens to be African-American necessarily as a representation of all African-Americans.  This kind of presumption is one that bubbles up from the cracks of institutionalized racism.  It is an irony and a travesty where African-Americans themselves – like Mr. Reed – are instilled with racist presumptions by way of this institution. (more…)

The nominees for the 82nd Academy Awards have been announced, and while most were expected, the one sore thumb that stood out was a previously little known – at least in the United States – Irish/Belgian/French film called The Secret of Kells. It is notable for apparently edging out Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs for the nomination. It is also notable for the fact that it hasn’t been released yet United States, which is usually a requirement.

All you need to say to me is “new animated movie”, and I’m going to take an interest. Add “French” to the pot and I become really interested – much to do with my borderline francophilia, and for the mere existence of Gobelins School of Image, which regularly produces stunning animated shorts for the yearly Annecy International Animated Film Festival.

So I’m watching the trailer, marveling at the fluid animation and the non-traditional animation style, which literally looks like a picture book come to life.

Then, about 32 seconds in, I find something else notable about Kells.

(more…)

To save you the time of reading this long review, I’ll state in a paragraph my overall opinion of District 9:

If you haven’t heard of District 9 or weren’t interested, find out or get interested. If you were debating about whether or not to see it, then see it. If you were planning to see it, then see it NOW. Great movie.

And I can state this as fact rather than opinion – why?  Because where a certain friend and I – who almost always disagree on movies – both love a movie, it must be great!

That said, I’m going to start my review of District 9 with a criticism of another review, one written by Armond White of the New York Press.  Mr. White, throughout his review, describes the film as “a ludicrous allegory for segregation”, “high-concept inanity”, and some of the “sloppiest and dopiest pop cinema” – all points which I will debate. He also criticizes D-9 for not being “ominously beautiful like the civilization-in-peril tableau that caps Roy Andersson’s You, the Living (critic John Demetry described that climax as a “revelation out of [Morrissey’s] ‘Everyday Is Like Sunday’”).”

What?  Does anyone other than John Demetry, Mr. White himself, or other film students even understand that reference?  Which brings me to a second point – that film critics are a ludicrous sort, people whose entire body of work relies upon the perceived success or failure of others’ work – that is, having no independent merit at all. (more…)

We could’ve had this:

But thanks to Manoj Shymalamdingdong and the power of YT, we get this:

And so that you understand my sadness, watch this:

Ugh.

So earlier tonight I saw Transformers: Rise of the Fallen.  To describe it in a word:

Long.

Which isn’t to say that it was a bad movie, but it was certainly a case of overstimulation.  It was practically a full-time job for my eyes watching all of that transforming and merging and shooting and exploding and collapsing.  It was almost as difficult as that third Lord of the Rings movie.

With Transformers being one of – if not the – summer blockbuster, I figured I was in for previews of some big upcoming movies.  Unfortunately, one of those was – wait for it:

M. Night Shymalan’s
The Last Airbender

…

That pause was for me to compose myself.  It failed.

Where the FUCK does this pompous douchebag get off putting his hack name in front of an Avatar movie?  As if he had anything to do with its creation.  Or maybe he’ll be taking credit for what will inevitably be a complete bastardization of a wonderful franchise?

Michael Bay probably deserves a lot of credit for how he’s modernized the Transformers franchise and made it accessible to a wider audience than us nerds who grew up with the TV series in the 80s.  And yet, for all he’s done, this latest movie was not called:

Michael Bay’s
The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

So how does Manoj – who has been riding the wave from The Sixth Sense (the only film of his that can pass for “good”) for 10 years now – figure he’s entitled to take someone else’s intellectual property and attach his name to it?  I mean, at this point, M.Night Shymalan is like King Midas – the revisionist version who touches things and they turn into shit.

For Aang’s sake, did you see The Village?  The Happening? Would someone tell this mother fucker to stop making movies?

So putting his name on Avatar: The Last Airbender – which boasts a quality of writing, direction, and overall fantasticness that Shymalan couldn’t manage on his best day – is like taking a dump on a really delicious pizza.

Would you eat a shit pizza?  I didn’t think so.

FUCK M. Night Shymalan.

And as for his penchant for surprise endings, the only one I’ll accept is the one where Shymalan himself dies and is unable to complete the movie.

Surprise!

Often when I mention a good movie that features issues of racial prejudice, people also want to bring up “American History X”. However, it is usually people who have never experienced racism firsthand, and as a result fail to see the glaring flaws prevalent throughout the movie. For those of you who were won over by this “touching story” of redemption, perhaps it’s time to take a closer look. For those of you who haven’t even seen the movie, it might be a good idea to stop reading here.

American History X is a movie with a message. But what exactly is that message? Ed Norton plays Derrick Vinyard, a character who begins the story as a staunch racist. The movie does a good job of presenting a neo-Nazi perspective, giving solid – albeit grievously misguided – justifications for such a worldview. Listening to Derrick explain his problems with African-Americans, you might even be inclined to agree: “What is their problem?” What Derrick fails to consider, as do most real racists, is that he cannot possibly understand the plight of a disenfranchised minority without existing within that context. He disregards the influence of socioeconomic factors (e.g. inferior education), and ironically, the counter-progressive effects of racism itself.

Early in the movie, two black men attempt to either rob or vandalize Derrick’s car, but with shotgun in hand, our protagonist chases one away and holds the other at gunpoint. He then “curb-stomps” the man to death (an act so brutal it has to be seen to be understood). Unfortunately for Derrick, the police are drawn by the gunshots and after finding the gruesome scene, place him under arrest. Derrick, clearly indifferent to the consequences of murder, smiles as he is taken away. At this point, he is clearly portrayed as someone who feels a hatred so deeply that he takes pleasure in killing. (more…)

A friend and I were talking about the “validity” of CG “porn”. By that I mean the use of computer graphics to depict sexually suggestive or even explicit imagery. In all of his righteous indignation, he swore it off as stupid, as ridiculous, and as something for people “who can’t get real girls”. Could not the same argument be made against pornography in general? Oh, why watch two other people have sex, when you can do it on your own? Well, gee…perhaps because not everyone has carte blanche access to sex at all times of the day? Maybe they’re watching it to masturbate? I don’t even have to argue this point, I’m sure, since I think as a society we’ve past the point where pornography is taboo, and most people – at least the honest ones – can acknowledge the practicality of self-satisfaction.

Anyway, so the crux of my argument was that whether it be a real or CG depiction of sexual material, the purpose is the same. It is not the actual physical breast that turns a person on, because what is it really, other than a fat-filled sack of flesh intended to nurture offspring? Is it really the fleshy folds of a woman’s labia that turns a guy on? I would say no. Sexual desire and the fulfillment of that desire occurs on an abstract and deeply internal level. There is no rationalization behind it. It’s not as if you look at pornography and think “My, I just love the way that penis is parting those labia. And the angle of insertion? Magnificent!” That’s ridiculous. It’s more subconscious than that. (more…)